My Experience: Catholic Guilt & Ambition

NFL player, Harrison Butker, delivered the commencement speech at a Catholic university, Benedictine College, a couple weeks ago where he told the newly graduated women in the crowd that they had been “diabolically lied to.” Butker continued on to make bold assumptions on behalf of women by saying, “How many of you are sitting here now, about to cross this stage, and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”

As a graduate of a Catholic high school, I understood the misplaced “point” Butker was trying to make during his speech. I was not offended, although I did not agree with him in any way. However, as more and more support poured in for his words, I became deeply scared and found myself lodged in internal turmoil. I consider myself religious. Having been baptized, confirmed, and everything in between, I do not feel any less Catholic because of my unwavering ambition and hunger for change. 

For context, I graduated from an all-girls Catholic high school whose approach to Catholicism was what a traditional Catholic would term “abnormal.” My high school’s theology curricula were based on fostering love for those who are different from you, above all else. They allowed LGBTQ+ communities to thrive on campus, allowed discourse on abortion rights, and stopped at nothing when encouraging their students to become the best professionals possible. Their idea of being Catholic was based on recognizing the past and present of the church, and moving forward with awareness.

I know many of those who are Catholic are conservative. So, conservative Butker’s comments at a Catholic university did not surprise me. In fact, part of me tried to understand and empathize as much of conservative values are based in misogynistic gender roles and, frankly, misinterpretation of Catholic teaching. 

My mother was a “homemaker” for the first 10 years of my life. She earned her doctorate in dental medicine in Peru, but when she married my father and came to the United States, she had to give up her career for her children and for her husband as her license became invalid. Soon after arriving in the States, she became sick. She describes to me the feeling of being trapped, of being helpless. And just when she planned to return to school in the States, she fell pregnant with me. I am certain that my mother’s life did not start when I was born.

A vibrant woman, she had a full, bodily life before raising me and after my early years. When I was in kindergarten, she started selling small accessories, bows and flip-flops to the other moms in the carpool line. From then on, she began making curtains, which escalated to interior design. Now, as the sole owner of a contracting business in a predominantly male field - I hope to be at least half the woman she is. Although she still lives in anxiety that she was not there for me “enough” because of her work, I can without a doubt say that I wouldn’t be half  as sharp, or as determined as I am now without her love and influence. Not all women are able to be “homemakers” and care for their kids without having to work part or full-time due to financial needs. Many women reap great joy and fulfillment from their careers, and to categorize women’s sole purpose as a homemaker is frankly ignorant and tone deaf.

Over the past couple of days, I have struggled with questions like, “Am I less religious for having career goals?”, “why do I work so hard if people view me as a mere means of reproduction?”. When I reached out to my high school campus minister, she reminded me that I was given my individual gifts and talents of initiative, curiosity, and drive for a reason. She urged me not to mistake conservative views with God’s true beliefs. 

I am forever grateful for my Catholic education, based not in guilt but rooted in love. And I am forever grateful for the path my mom paved for me. Growing up in a Catholic school juxtaposed with having a mother who works sun-up to sun-down has, been what I consider my greatest gift in life so far and has made me who I am.